I love magazines. I’m talking women’s fashion magazines, the glossy monthly kind.
I used to be very much obsessed with them – I used to read them, collect them, cut them out, stick pages on my walls and doors, make collages out of them. From the ages of 16 to about 21 I used to live and breathe fashion magazines. They were my one consistent interest.
Lately, I have developed my favourites – mainly Tatler. I also read a lot of articles and magazines online and only tend to really purchase them in print to have something to read in Dutch or German when I’m travelling and passing through airports. I also absolutely despise and boycott some – mainly Stylist.
Until now magazines have always been a positive thing to me – I read articles about interesting people, things and places. I discover new designers, brands and products. I admire beautiful photography. I’ve never really had a negative experience with a glossy magazine before – if anything, they’ve always cheered me up – a bit of lightweight entertainment that can at times also be educational, nothing wrong with that.
So this changed this week – the other day my dear friend Alice posted a thing on her Facebook about how awful it is that magazine covers reduce people to just a number – to a dress size. The celebrity in the example was Nigella. Now Nigella is an incredibly sexy, attractive 55 year old who has given birth to two children. Nigella seems to nonetheless still be a size smaller than me. Wow, I immediately felt a bit sick. Just a little bit nauseous. I felt fat and ugly. This is exactly what Alice meant that magazines do and something that she is so much against, but it had never happened to me before and here it just had for the first time. At age 29, I felt awful, fat, ugly and had failed the body comparison to a 55 year old. I felt fat-shamed by a magazine.
It’s been a strange feeling, it happened about 3 days ago and I still can’t figure out exactly how I feel about this. On the one hand I’m annoyed with myself for falling for it…and on the other hand, I really do fucking need to lose some weight. Hmmm…