I found an old poetry book on my book shelf next to my bed.
A collection of mainly contemporary Dutch poetry with some translations from other languages into Dutch by the poet as well.
I found one poem I always really like. Its called “wat blijft komt nooit terug” – what stays never comes back. how true. how beautiful.
I am single now because I actually want to be. I choose to be.
Why? Because I have decided I no longer want my relationships to be based on “need” but on “want”.
I don’t want to be together with someone because I feel like I ‘need’ them. I want to be together with someone and not ‘need’ them at all and be with them rather because I simply ‘want’ to be.
people don’t get it. at all. they think needing is the highest form of wanting. it isn’t. it never was and it never will be.
if someone says to me ‘I need you’ – it is not a compliment, it has much less to do with me than it does with their own weakness and dependence. people don’t get that.
Wat blijft komt nooit terug
(J. Eijkelboom)
Nevelverscheurend
kraait een haan
vanuit onzichtbare
tuin achter vage huizen,
het rozerood van de dageraad
al in top.
In een andere tuin
voerde ik grootmoeders kippen
nadat een andere haan
mij had gewekt
op de donkere vliering
die geurde naar appels.
Ik hoor dit nu,
ik zie dat nog.
Het blijft bij me en
ik kan het niet vasthouden
al zou ik zelf
een kippenhok gaan bouwen
(ik zou dan trouwens
ter vervolmaking
die gedempte stinksloot
achter de tuin
ook opnieuw moeten graven).
