how many memories can one have of one drink? how many good memories? how many people can it remind you off? of how many moments? of how many different places? of how many different times? if there was one drink that shaped your life…what would it be? maybe sometimes you make a mistake and you know it while you do it and you know you shouldn’t but you also know you should. I didn’t. But I do want to buy a bottle of ruinart…
Stourhead
private house garden
Stourhead
Prior Park
Stourhead
Prior Park
Posted in Cities, Me | Tagged bath, national trust, prior park, stourhead | Leave a Comment »
hola amigos! me is going to Barcelona on Wednesday evening! I will be in the flat near the Catalunya square that Tasha found for us and heading to the Sonar festival till Saturday – whoop whoop!! www.sonar.es
apart from this little bit of fun news, I will also be moving house at the end of the month and starting a new job on 01/07 and have been going out with someone the past three weeks who is absolutely amazing and I already adore to bits (thank God he doesn’t know this blog exists and can’t read this). I get so paranoid about losing him already and argue with him about this every day eventhough he tells me he has no intention of leaving me at all and I keep accusing him of it every chance I get (at least once a day). As one of my dearest friends pointed out to me this afternoon (and I’m beginning to think there might actually be something right about this):
you deserve to be loved
I love you to bits!
So shut up
I cant hear that anymore
you are a wonderful person
I cant be wrong
so believe me
Your complex has nothing to do with him
so dont make it his problem
just accept that he wants to help you
because he likes you
but its YOUR problem
be grateful for his help and love
and tell him so
and he wont leave you because of your problem
the difficulties you face are within yourself
having a relationship does not change that
to expect that would be wrong
so accept that the relationship does not solve your problem
it has the potential to just make you happy
but not to solve your problem
thats your business
but with him its easier than when you are alone.
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Aaaah so it has been light years since I wrote anything on here again. Think it is time I did. So much changed. I did so much and so little.
Its 21:16 on the 9th of June 2009. I have a brand new laptop. I put down the deposit for a new flat. I quit my current job, have a new job lined up starting July. I left the boyfriend I moved here for. I had my wisdom teeth removed and am still in pain from it. I am watching the movie Closer again. With Chinese subtitles. What a floozie. Definitely one of my all-time-most-favourite-movies-ever. I love Natalie Portman. I’m flying to Barcelona next Wednesday for a few days before I come back and move house.
I have decided my father most certainly suffers from some form of autism or the other. He can’t do more than send me a text message for my birthday and has not spoken to me since April 08 (when I called him to tell him I was moving country), and then he sends me random yahoo news articles on Tibetan monks I do not know?
I watched a movie last night which was deeply disturbing – a Japanese horror film from the year 2002 called Dark Water. I can’t remember the last movie that made me cry but this one definitely did. The story was mainly about a girl who’s mother suddenly disappears one day. Scenes of it seriously gripped my heart and blanked me out. It was much more depressing and upsetting than it was scary actually. Maybe it is the combination of having watched this movie last night, my father’s autistic emails and my general inclination to paranoia that put me in a slightly fragile state of emotional being today?
Kambi brought me all my paint stuff and my fingers are itching to pick up the brushes – might do so tonight! I love it, just the mere thought of being able to paint again after a whole year makes me calmer and puts a smile on my face.
I know this post sounds gloomy but it isn’t meant to be, its all change and its just taken quite a lot of my energy over the past weeks and kept me from writing anything or even doing much. But I think its slowly getting better though.
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It has been 10 years. 3 Continents. 3 countries. 4 doctors. Medication. and it still comes back and it still remains. I wonder if the pain will ever be cured.
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One of my favourite online stores is without any doubt YesStyle for Asian fashion – they deliver worldwide for free from $150 all the way from Hong Kong (so of course all my orders are for over $ 150). But hey, funny thing now is that for some random reason I decided to type in ‘yesstyle‘ on youtube and I found this video – check it out – the music is “amazing”:
Posted in Me | Tagged asian fashion, asian fashion video, asian style, yesstyle | Leave a Comment »
A couple of years ago I had read this book and totally forgotten about it since. Today I was reading someone’s blog where there was a text by Jon Kabat-Zinn which for some reason reminded of this book that I hadn’t thought of in years. I don’t even know where it is…probably in K.’s cellar (as in case of doubt). The book is called The Invitation and may seem all dreamy in a shitty new age way but its actually alright. It starts off with this:
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your hearts longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals, or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true, I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.
I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you are, or how you came to be here- I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
Posted in Me | Tagged jon kabat zinn, oriah mountain dreamer, the invitation | Leave a Comment »
So I’ve been in the lowlands since Saturday evening spending some time with my family after not having been across here for over a year. It’s good to be back in familiar space I suppose. I went to the park yesterday – the park where I used to play as a kid. It was really weird as I tend to avoid exactly this – being in places that remind me of things. I hadn’t been there in 15 years and everything looked and felt so small now. I remembered everything being way much bigger…
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I love where I live – Shoreditch. I love taking pictures. I love blogging. So I decided to combine this into my little new project: www.shoreditchstreets.co.uk
Now I’m still in the process of the layout and colours and theme etc. etc. I’m trying to more myself this time as I assumed it would somehow be easier than the two big fashion content sites I recently picked up (let me know if you’re interested – but be warned – they serve ‘commercial’ purposes so its not like I speak my mind on there really) so I wouldn’t hassle Jaymz too much…but it looks like I still can’t help getting him involved…ah well…
Soon more and more pics will be on there and then you can all admire the edgy and cool heart of East London thanks to my amateur photography skills 
woohay – who wouldn’t want that?!
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